M, W, F

Back and forth to the clinics - such an absolute pain. Blood work, weight, and the one I love "are you in pain" like every other day, everytime they come in. Are you in pain, yes, from that dumb assed question. If I wasn't in pain 10 minutes ago, how the hell am I going to be in pain 3 minutes later.

This cancer, did not involve pain, unless it was from surgeries, or back pain from laying about for a month, or the anxiety of not knowing and hoping against hope sort of the existential pain or something.

Okay rant over.

Still in the clinic, who knows when this one will end, my guess is that I need at least platelets and maybe a pint'o blood, so that will block out 3 hours or so, iffin I need 2 pints add another 2 hours and that is a full day at the "office". Oh no cell in the bowels, I know I mentioned that before but come on.

It's done

Cancer free, remission, whatever you want to call it. I am free of the dragon. I have no idea what this was going to feel like, I am just blown away right now, no words can convey or expression can make it seem real. It's like wonderland with so many unanswerable questions and so many thanks to give out, I think I need to lay down for a while. I think it is called shock.

Waitin.

Just waitin.

Coffee

YUM. No cycling still. Labor Day weekend would have been the perfect restart. Ah well.

Oh man not another one

Eugene, OR.

Teen drivers.

Dead cyclist.

Does it ever end.

Arms are tired and a correction.

From all the shots. Ever just feel like throwing your hands up but really can't? I really can't. Well maybe that is a bit melodramatic, but dang. Felt good most of the day and now I am sorta slowing down a bit.

Found out that the twins that were engrafted into me are taking root for sure and that the lil girls blood type is A+ and that my blood type will probably be moving to A+ soon. BMT's are one of XXX***** correction ONE**** way to change your blood type, I forget the other, since there is not one.

Jeez bored, I could go on and on, but... keepin it short is cool with me.

Fixed or Single

Or both - that is the question of the day. Langster or one of those fancy dancy Trek's or maybe a Dessel. I truly don't need it, but it sure seems like fun and excitement when you can't even ride around the block, this walking schtick is getting old fast. So much so that I am starting to really dislike it. All I've done is ride ride ride and now walk walk walk, the body is like "WTF" walkin? Boy get on a bike, ride your issues away, then the omnipresent voice of reason (Doctor team) says, Chuck - you need to take it easy and walk, get stronger, watch the WBC and platelets, if you: crash, strain, over extend etc you could get, x,y,z.

I feel imprisioned somedays, shuffling around the house watching CNN, the news, walking, up and down the stairs. Reading Velophews and CN - seeing all that makes me miss it even more, it is an addiction a, passion, play on life - how do you want to live? Safe and sound? Scared and slightly out of control? Out of control wishing that you had brakes and feeling that lil bit of poop sneak out as you throw you bike sideways to stop? Choices. One day soon, it will come into focus again and riding around will be reality, till then there is hope and hope burns brightly, hard to understand for some, easy for others. Damn I need a bike to make all this right.

Middlewieght

Who can guess what that means? Yeah that's right it's time kids, figure it out and I'll throw some love your way.

So what is going on in the world - been disconnected. I actually feel decent today, better that yesterday for sure, but I do have new blood, new platelets and a shot of PO or rather neupogen, clearly glad that I suspended the spelling enforcement since I am all over the place with it right now.

Okay bye.

Office Hours

Got here at 8am. It is now noon. At least 3 more hours, just another day at the "office". Forgot the laptop charger, no cell service this deep in the building.

This room is just big enough to be a cell, without the whizzer, if there was one of those in here it would be cool. Now since there is not one, I have to take my pole with various things up and down the halls, hated that when I was in not liking it right now. Could be worse, could be better, getting hungry - now that is a nice turn of events, getting hungry actually feeling it, that pit feeling of pour it in. FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED ME.

Okay bye.

Still bored

But now - add in a lack of sleep. Come on sleep, you are a needed and welcomed companion. I could take more pills, sheesh, I'll end up addicted, nah, just all of this it is temporary. Midnight on Sunday is nothing but infomercials and bad shows, that never made it in prime time or MASH reruns.

At least they could play something on HBO, I should be so lucky. DVD's out, I think I watched every DVD, plus some old ones and re-edited a ton of pics and backed them all on the new hard drive off the main PC, productive yes, boring yes, being done means now what. I gotta learn to slow that down, once I get started I gotta finish since my memory is chemo/radiated out still, hell i forgot there was a race today that I wanted to see. Ah well the joys of cancer recovery, one day, one test, one meal savor it all and want no more than you can handle.

Bored

No driving yet, and no riding. Just walking and walking, talk about boring. Going nowhere fast.

No updates on anything, except for more pills and level checks which are fine.

It is the boredom that is the killer, that, and the sitting around waiting for results from routine stuff. It is all "routine" now, wake - pills, doc -pills, eat-pills, sleep - pills, eat - pills, never varies, it just seems so blah and it is.

Up next? Yup more visits to the doc and more pills. Follow the routine, get better, get life back, it is easy as 1,2,3 - ABC dah dah dah.

Ten?

At the worst

Almost

Made it with the freeze out of silence, it was good but not enough. So going to try again and not lose my damn card, which was found thankfully, but that stream of invectives was needed for sure (all the single letters strung together) frustration at this point is the killer for me, not driving, riding, a lot of walking, and tests tests tests. General gripes I guess. Any photo jobs out there, time to start back up a bit I think, I ordered a HiPow flash that finally showed up and blinded my newly glasses wearing ass, that thing even with the diffuser is a mighty thing, like a lil dude in a big truck I have no idea what that thing even means except for frickin bright. I want ABO's. Out

Changes

been done.

Jokes

Lay'em on me. This is freaking boring.
More energy by the day.

Even with early appointments every other day it's like I am still in. But getting the wheels back on.

Okay I am staying off the web and going phone free for 8 hours. Need the mental break - no reason other than the nerves are nervy. People should turn off every now and then so why not. I can for now and that suits me just fine. Anyone seen my check card? SHIT! Just when it was going to be nice and schusschy. MFRSOBLINTSMFRGD FFMFR

home

say it. home. HOME.

first level down

Well good. Now what - happy and confused. Mostly happy.

BassoNova

Like lil snowboard dino but a bear. So not alike at all.

Thanks Athena down in X Ray Oncology.

Shutter Priority

Finally figured that one out as well.

Finally got one.

This is new

Mucuoschitis or however it is spelled (full suspension on spelling correctly as of right now). Think of never being able to clear the throat, then hitching one and barfin. Ahh now you get it, now have that for a few days (4). So chemo barf, radation barf, this barf and shitty tv barf. Surrounded by freakin barf.

Hawks says howdy - dude is cooked who knew bike wrenching was so gnarly.

Damn they are back already - time for the dog and pony show. (daily exam by 7-10 people doc, nurses, admin etc).

Had more to say but hellawhatever.

Can I get a

Full nights sleep. I am so ragged right now. Up all night tests tests, sleep most of everyday. Few exceptions of course. The Boni's, Colin, Stever, Barb and of course Father and Mother have come. Mainly just me and the doc's. Those guys sense of humour is as bad as a lawyers (generally) so now I am waiting for enviromental to unclogg the toilets on this half of the floor and some platelets. it is 4 am and tomorrow will be lost to sleep, anti rejection drugs and less that complimenatry email since I have been to told to sod off by a mate.